


In a perverted corner of a Fangirl's mind

by chase3136



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kyou Kara Maou!, Naruto, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Conversations, Crack, Humor, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, No Sex, No Smut, Parody, Past Relationship(s), Sex Talk, Spoilers!, Swearing, established relationship(s) - Freeform, exploring characterizations, script, talk of canon, talk of canon divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 07:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5657209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chase3136/pseuds/chase3136
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drarry&NaruSasu&YuuRam...&Thorki!</p><p>The Title pretty much explains it: take a sneak peek into my mind, around the perverted corner where I store my favourite pairings...possibly against their will...</p><p>So Much CRACK! No plot; unless the confusion and scheming to escape from the 'white-space' counts as plot?</p><p>Written as a script. Beware The Meeting Of FanVerses?</p>
            </blockquote>





	In a perverted corner of a Fangirl's mind

**Author's Note:**

> Posted on my fanfiction.net account January 30, 2015, and now I'm posting it here because I'm thinking I might continue it one day. And there might be some additions to my OTPs in more fandoms to come ;D
> 
> Rated T for swearing from multiple characters!

_**[3 ukes stood in a row opposite their respective semes, blinking and staring at the vast white nothingness around them]** _

**Draco:** have I been obliviated?

 **Wolfram:** what the fuck? Yuri, what did you do this time?

 **Sasuke:** …uh, I don't remember clashing chakra with you, Naruto… and who the fuck are these dweebs?

 **Harry:** uh, I don't think I've been obliviated, Draco, and I doubt you have either since you remember me…

 **Yuri:** me?! I didn't do anything!

 **Naruto:** WOW! You're right! There's like, other people here! HI! Dattebayo _[waves]_

 **Harry:** …what did you call me? _[suspicious]_

 **Naruto:** HUH? _[blank look]_

 **Draco:** who's the loudmouth blond?

 **Sasuke:** which one?

 **Wolfram & Naruto:** HEY!

 **Harry:** _chuckles_

 **Naruto:** this isn't the time for your snark, teme!

 **Yuri:** _laughs nervously_

 **Wolfram:** what are you laughing at, Wimp?

 **Yuri:** don't call me a Wimp!

 **Draco:** _snickers_

 **Sasuke:** _scoff_

 **Harry:** anyone else wondering why the six of us are divided in two?

 **Naruto:** Yeah! What's up with that, anyway?

 **Yuri:** erm… I thought it was because, well… you know…

 **Wolfram:** spit it out, Wimp!

 **Draco:** yeah, if you've got a clue, do share. _[Crosses arms over chest]_

 **Sasuke:** _sigh_ it's obvious. _[Everyone turns to look at him whilst he looks back at them like they're all stupid]._ _Hmn,_ it's obvious that we're separated by class, this side clearly has better breeding then **you** lot.

 **Draco:** _hahahahahaha_

_**[Wolfram blushes and smirks]** _

**Naruto:** hey! _[sulks]_

 **Harry:** really? _[sarcasm]_ that's just a prissy way of saying that **you** lot are rich, stuck-up snobs, if you ask me.

 **Wolfram:** what did you just say…? _[threatening]_

 **Draco:** no one did, Potty. I don't think I have to tell you the **Chosen One's** opinion's worth shit in here, wherever here is…

 **Sasuke:** "Chosen One"? _**[asking Draco]**_

 **Draco:** oh yeah. All prophesised to be a reckless idiot, he is.

 **Harry:** Oi!

 **Sasuke:** hah, sounds like someone I know…

 **Naruto:** HEY!

 **Wolfram:** me too _**[crossing arms and glaring at Yuri]**_

 **Yuri:** _groan_ Wolf, not you too…

 **Sasuke:** _[dryly]_ it seems class is not the only thing separating us… intelligence stands apart as well _[smirks]_

 **Harry:** _**[turns to Naruto]**_ tell your boyfriend to shut his pretty mouth all ready.

 **Naruto:** _[glares at Harry]_ Hey, **your** boyfriend's just as mouthy so don't give me that shit, 'ttebayo!

 **Draco:** Oi! Whiskers, if you've got something to say –

 **Sasuke:** leave him be, your " **Chosen One** " started it.

 **Draco:** yeah? Well, at least Potter's deformity is limited to his forehead, what the fuck is with **your** bloke's face?!

 **Sasuke:** they're **curse scars** ; he's got the Nine-Tails inside of him. And he isn't **deformed**!

 **Draco:** what the fuck has " **nine tails** "?

 **Sasuke:** the demon fox, you idiot!

 **Wolfram:** demon?

 **Yuri:** …here we go _sigh_.

_**[Naruto & Harry look to Yuri questioningly]** _

**Harry:** a demon?

 **Naruto:** I thought there were only nine demons; you don't have one too, do you?

 **Yuri:** I am one.

 **Harry & Naruto:** WHAT?!

 **Yuri:** well, half-demon… Wolfram's a pure-blood.

 **Harry:** wait, pure-blood? You mean like a wizard?

 **Naruto & Yuri:** _**[blink dumbly at Harry]**_ …Wizard?

 **Sasuke:** what do you mean "you're a demon"? You can't be; you're **human**!

 **Wolfram:** YES I AM! I AM A DEMON! I AM NOT SOME LOWLY HUMAN, DAMN IT!

 **Draco:** this is fucked up. There's no such thing as demons. _**[Watching Sasuke & Wolfram warily]**_

 **Sasuke:** what are you then? A haunting spirit? _[Sarcasm]_

 **Draco:** don't be ridiculous! As if I'd linger after death! I'm a Malfoy!

 **Sasuke:** what the fuck's a " **Malfoy** "? It sounds like a chakra virus.

 **Wolfram:** what the hell is "chakra"?

 **Sasuke:** _sigh_ _[irritable]_

 **Harry:** _[laughing]_ wait, you're a **ninja**?!

 **Yuri:** that's so cool!

 **Naruto:** I know, right?! I'm the best too! I'm ganna be Hokage soon; I can feel it, dattebayo!

 **Yuri:** Hokage?!

_**[Harry looks lost]** _

**Naruto:** yeah, leader of my village. _**[He adds for Harry's sake].**_ My dad was the Fourth Hokage, so it's like fate that I'm ganna be the sixth!

 **Yuri:** eh, I'm King. _[Shyly]_

_**[Harry & Naruto blink at him dumbly]** _

**Naruto:** …awesome… _[Whisper]_

 **Sasuke:** Uchiha outranks Malfoy.

 **Draco:** like **shit** it does!

 **Wolfram:** Von Bielefelds have been living within Blood Pledge Castle as part of the Royal Family for **generations**!

 **Draco:** Malfoys blood-purity is dated back thousands of years!

 **Sasuke:** Uchihas are said to be direct descendants of God. _[Smug]_

 **Draco:** oh, fuck **off**!

 **Harry:** … so because he tried to kill me the Prophecy's activated or whatever, and then I had to kill him or he'd just keep on killing my friends.

 **Naruto:** that's rough. Kyuubi – the fox-demon in me – killed my parents the day I was born before he was sealed inside me. He's tried to get out when I loose control of my anger and some of my friends got hurt, but I've beaten him now so I've got him under control. And we're sort of becoming friends. I can even use his chakra without losing my cool now, dattebayo!

 **Harry:** I can relate. I hated having Riddle in my head but at the same time being one of his Horcruxes saved me a whole bunch of times.

 **Yuri:** when my friends are in danger I go into Maou-mode.

 **Harry:** **King** -mode? _[Confused]_

 **Yuri:** it's like my demon-side, so me and my friends call it Maou-mode because I'm the Demon King? _[Awkward]._ My element is water. Wolfram's is fire.

 **Naruto:** HA! Sasuke's is fire! Mine's wind! Can Wolfram summon lightning too?!

 **Yuri:** … I hope not.

 **Sasuke:** I abandoned my village, tried to kill my best friend, been trained by an S-rank criminal, **killed him** , avenged my family **twice** , once by killing my own **brother** and then picking off the **High Council** of my **own** village! I'm **infinitively** more evil than **you**.

 **Draco:** you're making that up! Why would you kill your own brother?!

 **Sasuke:** because he betrayed me.

 **Wolfram:** what'd he do?

 **Sasuke:** he murdered our entire clan.

_**[Draco & Wolfram stare in horror]** _

**Wolfram:** shit. I should have forgiven Conrad a **long** time ago.

 **Draco:** **I** joined the ranks of a perverted psychopath who was hell-bent on taking over the world, he used my family home as his headquarters and treated my parents like slaves. Look _**[Lifted his sleeve to reveal the faded Dark Mark]**_ ; he fucking branded me like cattle! The snake-faced bastard threatened to kill my parents if I didn't murder the most powerful Wizard in the world, course he was too terrified of the old coot to do it himself. Then I had to put up with his perverse tortures and being referred to by all the other Death Eating maggots as his " **pet"** until Potter finally killed the creep.

_**[Wolfram & Sasuke leaned in to stare in disgust at the blackened snake-tongued-skull, and Sasuke went deathly white]** _

Sasuke: …snake-faced? ... _[Looking sick]_ … **shit**.

 **Harry:** me and Draco fight all the time and Ron and Hermione are always trying to convince me to just break-up with him. I keep telling them but they don't understand that it's just how we communicate.

 **Naruto:** YEAH! Me and Sasuke were finally able to communicate through our fists! That's how I knew Sasuke felt the same way I do, he never would have admitted it aloud if I hadn't called him on it! But when you read each others hearts there's no room for denial, so HA!

 **Yuri:** I don't know about fighting… but Wolfram yells at me a lot, hits me sometimes and chases me when I manage to dodge.

 **Naruto:** man, that's tough! I get that from Sakura all the time! But I don't hit back 'cause she's a girl! Wolfram's a **guy**!... right, 'ttebayo? _ **[Glances over at the golden-haired uke then back at Yuri].**_ He **is** a guy, right? I mean... no offence but WOW he looks like a GIRL!

 **Yuri:** SSSSHH! _**[Nervously looking to Wolfram before ducking his head low]**_ He'll hear you! _[Hissed]_

 **Harry:** _chuckling_ it's alright, Draco **acts** like a girl. And, of course, he would kill me if he hears me say it… again. _[Laughing out loud]_

 **Naruto:** _[thoughtful]_ Sasuke's really pretty... he's too muscular to be a girl though. Actually… _**[Watching the 3 ukes arguing and grinned]**_ they all look kinda feminine, huh, dattebayo?!

 **Harry:** _laughing_ HA! Your right!

 **Yuri:** Sssshhh! _[but grinning also]_

 **Sasuke:** … the **whole** fucking village, I swear. You'd think they'd get a clue. _[Rolling his eyes]_

 **Wolfram:** hm, I'm so grateful for Gwendal's over-protectiveness. As soon as I turned twenty I had proposals coming out of my **ears**. My left cheek was constantly **blue** throughout the first six months! And that was just the females! I don't even want to **know** what Gwendal did to put a stop to those **other** advances.

 **Draco:** you two think **you** had a hard time of it? My parents **arranged** for me to marry this pure-blooded witch before I was even **born**! And to make it worse I had Pansy clinging to me like a leech! And I had to play it off like I actually wanted her there because my father would have snapped my wand in **half** if he'd found out I was gay!

 **Wolfram:** …"gay" you mean being a boy and loving a boy? That's normal in Shin Mazoku, but I've heard that humans oppose to same sex relationships. Which is stupid if you ask me. _[Looking pissed off]_

 **Sasuke:** … I don't think anyone would ever openly oppose within the Hidden Leaf Village but other nations are not so tolerant. Loads of people respect Naruto so we haven't had much trouble… only Sakura was violently against it but I expected that much. The funny thing is that I'm still not sure which of us she was whining about… it kinda pisses me off, how close she had gotten to Naruto whilst I was falling further and further into my own hatred.

 **Draco:** I sympathise. Potter was dating the Weaslette –his ginger best friend's little sister, which basically speaks for itself– while I was living my worst nightmare and she had a fit when everyone –and I mean **everyone** – discovered us rather abruptly, mind. She tried to curse me, the little bitch. Of course, playing host and personal-slave to a volatile nutcase had **some** advantages and she didn't stand a chance. _[Smug]_

 **Harry:** I did have a girlfriend before I got with Draco but I still lost my virginity to the git. _[Smirk]_ I wasn't the only one though so it wasn't so bad; Draco was even more of a prude than he is now.

 **Naruto:** HAHA! Me too! Me and Sasuke never really had a chance to be with anyone else, thank god! When it got down to it though, I had some idea what I was doing because of Pervy Sage's porn books, and experimenting with my clones. I think I handled Sasuke's prudiness awesomely, dattebayo!

 **Harry:** …clones? _[Looking half-disturbed, half-curious]_

 **Yuri:** _[blushes and ducks head]_ I hadn't even kissed a girl when I accidentally got engaged to Wolfram, and he made sure I knew he was the **only** one I'd ever kiss **ever**. But after awhile I didn't mind so much.

 **Naruto:** _[wide-eyed]_ wow, I wonder what it's like to be chased for once? Does it feel good? _**[Asking Yuri]**_

 **Yuri:** _[grimace]_ eh…

 **Harry:** _[sad smile]_ poor bastards.

 **Draco:** …I gotta say I do like it on my knees or stomach from behind.

 **Wolfram:** _[blush]_ erm, my back, I suppose…?

 **Sasuke:** _scoff_ on **top** , of course.

 **Draco:** _[rolls eyes]_ yeah, yeah.

 **Yuri:** … my mum's my voice of reason I suppose, whenever I'm in a sticky situation it's always her voice I hear reminding me of what's most important.

 **Harry:** I never really knew my mum, but I always heard that she was kind and a brilliant witch. I've talked to her though, in life or death situations, she and my dad told me that they loved me and they were proud when I was sure I was going to die that last time.

 **Naruto:** hmn, I met my mum too. She was a Jinchiriki like me, and her and my dad sealed a little of themselves in with Kyuubi and told me how they died, and why I was left alone without anyone telling me who my parents were.

 **Harry:** that's harsh. At least I knew **who** my parents were, even though I was stuck with my abusive muggle relatives. Although I was still lied to about being a wizard.

 **Naruto:** _[nodding]_ I was treated badly by the village for a while, but I changed everyone's mind about me being a monster, 'ttebayo. _[Grin]_

 **Yuri:** … somehow Shori's suffocating and mom's obsession with cross-dressing doesn't seem so traumatising anymore.

 **Harry:** …cross-dressing, huh? _[Interested]_

 **Draco:** I've always fancied the tall, dark and rugged type. Potter used to be a short-arse but he hit a growth spurt that just didn't quit over the summer when we both turned sixteen. And I admit that I had a crush on the git even before then, but that was mostly because he handles a broom like he was **born** to fly. _[Wiggles eyebrows]_

 **Sasuke:** you fly on broomsticks, right? _**[Sceptical but Draco nods]**_ isn't that uncomfortable? _**[Draco laughs and shakes his platinum head]**_

 **Wolfram:** I never really liked anybody before Yuri. I thought maybe it would be better to marry a noble girl eventually, because the noble men piss me off by treating me like a woman. _[Angry]_ I'm a solider! Damn it! I'm not some delicate flower! But even my subordinates coddle and try to protect me, and I **trained** them! Yuri makes me feel strong and useful because he's such a Wimpy King and he'd be lost without me. He's really cute too, black hair and black eyes are really rare and exotic where I come from, and he works-out with Conrad too _[blushes]_ and his arms are really nice because of his stupid "baseball" obsession.

 **Sasuke:** _scoff_ that's nothing. To be a ninja you have to push your body to its limits and then push some more. Naruto may eat like he's from the Akimichi clan but his body is rock-hard muscle, as it should be. A ninja won't reach Shinobi level by being soft.

 **Draco:** Potter's pretty ripped under his Auror robes. _[Flushes]_ He's mostly in the field – stubborn arse won't sit behind a desk – but it keeps him fit so I don't complain **too** much.

 **Wolfram:** _[flushes also]_ why do you think I put up with Yuri's stupid baseball talk? I mean, he also trains with Conrad sometimes but I doubt he'll ever beat me in a **fair** match; he swings Morgif like a bat. _[Wrinkles nose in annoyance]_

 **Draco:** hn, Quidditch keeps me fit enough. I can't be arsed to do more than that. I need to save my energy for sex _[smirks]_

 **Sasuke:** HA! You want energy, burrow some off of Naruto. **Please**. That idiot can go for **days**.

 **Draco:** DAYS?! What, without breaks? _[Wide-eyed disbelieve and maybe a little drool]_

 **Sasuke:** **days**. I once made the mistake of challenging him to see just how long he **could** go. **Three** days later I called it quits.

 **Draco:** **THREE-FUCKING DAYS?!**

 **Sasuke:** I'd passed-out so many times I was afraid for my health. It's the Kyuubi; it constantly restores his stamina and endurance. I couldn't walk for a **month** , even with my own heightened healing capabilities. I forbade him from touching me for three months after that. It was the longest three months of my life. _[Slightly embarrassed]_

 **Draco:** shit. If Potter could do that I don't know whether I would permanently lock us in our bedroom or run screaming in the opposite direction. _[Dazed]_

 **Wolfram:** I don't know about **days** , but Yuri and I can easily make it through the night non-stop. _[Flushes bright red but looks proud]_ We didn't realise the time and Yuri had to meet Conrad for a run within the hour. Yuri was so exhausted by the end of the day that we've been careful not to do that again.

 **Draco:** fuck. And I thought five hours was something to brag about.

 **Yuri:** it was actually surprisingly easy to give in to Wolfram. I was freaked I was sharing my bed with another boy for ages. But as soon as I realised I'd fallen in love with him, it was as simple as just telling him I was ready. Telling Gwendal was probably the hardest part, heh heh. He's scary protective of Wolfram. The only thing is Wolfram still doesn't understand that it's alright in Shin Mazoku but on Earth it's an entirely different story.

 **Harry:** I know what you mean. Draco and I kept it quiet for quite a while, really. But everyone's always been in my business because of the whole Boy-Who-Lived crap. And as soon as I got up the courage to tell my friends, the whole world could read about my love-life on the front page of the Daily Prophet. And people **hated** Draco at that point in our lives because of his involvement with the Death Eaters, and so took it as a personal insult to them that their " **Saviour** " had been corrupted or whatever. It was a real mess for a while there, and almost broke us up many times. Only the fact that I was determined to keep us together and that I loved him more than anything kept us going for long months, there.

 **Naruto:** man, other people can suck! For ages my friends came up to me and tried to talk me out of helping Sasuke get his life back, and that was **after** I spent five years chasing after the teme to bring him back to the village. But I knew everyone had given up on Sasuke a while before that. Even Sakura had given up and I thought she loved him just as much as I did, 'ttebayo! No one could see that he **needed** me and that being a teme was just how he is! Shikamaru and Kiba hate Sasuke, saying I was too good for him, HA! They don't know what they're talking about, and I had to set things straight before they started in on Sasuke face to face. I wasn't going to risk Sasuke leaving again for **anything** , and I told them as much, 'ttebayo. _[Narrowed eyes, clenched fist]_

 **Harry:** _[nodded in sympathy]_ hmn, my best friend lost it when I told him about me and Draco, although it was to be expected I suppose. I had been dating his sister the year before and Draco was a right git to him and his family all during Hogwarts, but I'd kind of hoped, you know? It was stupid really. Draco was terrified I'd choose my friendship with Ron over what I have with him; he didn't say anything but his hissy-fits told me enough. I guess Draco had reason to think it too, considering our history, but it was a real pain trying to convince everyone Draco and I were meant to be together while Draco was trying to pull away from me. I lost count of how many times we broke up and got back together again that year. But it was worth it to have those closest to me accept our relationship now. I've never been this content with my life before. _[Smiles hugely]_

 **Naruto:** _[matches smile]_ ME TOO, DATTEBAYO!

 **Yuri:** _[smiles too]_ me too… although maybe I could tell my Earth friends about Wolfram. It would be nice to have someone other than Murata to talk to about that kind of stuff.

 **Naruto:** YEAH! I'm sure if your friends met Wolfram they'd completely understand!

 **Yuri:** _[grins hopefully]_ yeah, maybe they will!

 **Draco:** … and I thought that **Potter's** hair defied the laws of nature.

 **Sasuke:** _[rolls eyes]_ I'm a **ninja** ; I don't have **time** to sit in front of a mirror and **preen**. I cut my own hair.

 **Draco:** it shows _[dryly]_

_**[Sasuke rolls his eyes again]** _

**Wolfram:** I've never much bothered with mine either. Just as long as it's combed and presentable enough, who cares? _[Shrugs]_

 **Draco:** _[aghast]_ are you **sure** you two are gay?

 **Harry:** … my Patronus, I suppose; mines a stag. I'm known for Expelliamus because of the War, but Expecto Patronus is definitely my favourite spell.

 **Yuri:** Morgif is probably my greatest weapon, although he's kind of pathetic looking.

 **Naruto:** MY SEXY NO JUTSU, 'TTEBAYO!

 **Harry & Yuri:** _[blank stares]_ …?

 **Harry:** …your what?

_**[POOF!]** _

**Harry & Yuri:** AHHHHHH!

_**[Ukes look over]** _

**Draco & Wolfram:** …?!

 **Sasuke:** NARUTO! CHANGE BACK NOW, IDIOT!

_**[Harry & Yuri stare; fascinated]** _

**Girl-Naruto:** ooooh, but Sasuke-kun!

 **Wolfram:** YURI! DON'T LOOK, YOU CHEATER!

 **Draco:** _[falls over]_ AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 **Yuri:** AHHH! _[Covers his head with his arms and squeezes his eyes tightly shut]_

 **Harry:** _[still staring]_ …

 **Sasuke:** CHANGE BACK, USURATONKACHI!

 **Girl-Naruto:** _[pouts]_ no fun, Sasuke-kun, 'ttebayo.

_**[POOF!]** _

_**[Sasuke pinches the bridge of his nose; he groans quietly]** _

**Draco:** _[still laughing, tear-strained and red-faced]_ HAHAHAHA – OH MERLIN! CAN'T BREATH! AAHAHAHAH…!

 **Yuri:** _**[peeps out from behind his hands]**_ _sighs_ _[in relief and drops his arms]_

 **Harry:** _[_ _ **still**_ _staring]_ …what the fuck just happened? _[Wary]_

 **Naruto:** that was my greatest weapon, dattebayo! _[Grins]_

 **Sasuke:** _[irritable]_ that is **not** your "greatest weapon". What about your **Resengan** or even your shitty **clone** jutsu?! How is transforming into a blonde bimbo your greatest weapon?! _[Incredulous]_

 **Naruto:** well, true it doesn't work on you Sasuke-teme, but it's gotten me outta a lot of sticky situations. _[Points and grumbles]_

 **Harry:** something like that would get you **into** "sticky"situations, if you ask me. _[Cheeky]_

_**[Naruto, Wolfram and Yuri blush]** _

**Sasuke:** _scoff_

 **Draco:** _[stops laughing and wipes wet cheeks]_ opinionated today aren't you, Potty? _[Slightly annoyed but more amused]_ again, no one **asked** you, and your untactful comments are highly unnecessary. Although, I have to rearrange my ideas about **you**. _**[Says to Sasuke]**_ _snicker._

 **Sasuke:** _[glares back]_ what ideas?

 **Draco:** _snickers some more_ _[gets up and brushes himself off]_ when your **top** can change into a naked woman at will, it conjures all sorts of complications for your sex life. _Hahaha_

 **Sasuke:** _**[glares at Naruto]**_ I never approved of his perverse use of that jutsu.

 **Naruto:** _[offended and embarrassed]_ HEY! It's not like I use it ALL the time!

 **Harry:** wait. That clone thing; can you, like make another you, then?

 **Naruto:** yeah, dattebayo? _[Curious]_

 **Harry:** _[thoughtful anticipation]_ can you make a girl-you clone, too?

 **Naruto:** yeah! _[Grins, catching on]_

 **Harry:** so when you said that you'd experimented with your clones…

 **Wolfram:** GAH! _[Bright red]_

 **Draco:** don't finish that thought, Potter! _[Glares, cheeks red]_

 **Sasuke:** _[face-palm]_ _groan_ _ **Na-ru-to**_ …

 **Yuri:** _[bright red and jittery with his mouth hanging slightly open; eyes wide]_

 **Naruto:** heh heh _[rubs neck, blushing]_

 **Harry:** _[laughing]_ hahaha I don't know whether to be jealous or outraged!

 **Draco:** for the sake of your manhood, be outraged, **arsehole** _[glares]_

 **Wolfram:** YURI! DON'T YOU GET ANY IDEAS _[flushed and furious]_

 **Yuri:** _[jumps]_ what?! _[Bewildered]_ I - there's no **way** I could manage that!

 **Wolfram:** YOU BETTER NOT! _[Crosses arms and sulks]_

 **Naruto:** heh heh _[awkward]_ come on, guys. It's just a jutsu, 'ttebayo.

 **Harry:** it's the most perverted thing I've ever seen a bloke do, and I've shagged Draco-in-a-skirt.

 **Draco:** OI! SHUT YOUR GOB, YOU PRICK! _[Hissed, in embarrassment]_

 **Wolfram:** _[blinked, wide-eyed and flustered while avoiding Yuri's smiling gaze]_

 **Sasuke:** _sigh_ yes; Naruto is clearly the most perverted of us all.

 **Naruto:** HEY! _[Trying to look insulted whilst feeling proud]_

_**[Awkward silence]** _

**Sasuke:** … this is all your fault, Dobe. _**[Accusing Naruto]**_

 **Naruto:** I'M SORRY! _[Defensive]_ I just wanted to show the guys, that all, dattebayo!

 **Draco:** why in hell would you want to show **anyone** you as a naked girl?! _[Confused]_

 **Naruto:** _[grumble]_ I thought it was **cool**. The guys love it at home, 'ttebayo.

 **Sasuke:** that's because it's a joke at home, we're not at home anymore, idiot. _[Mumble]_

 **Harry:** ok, I gotta ask; what's "Die-tab-boo-yo" mean, anyway? _[Exasperated]_

 **Naruto:** huh? _[Confused]_ it's just something I say, it doesn't mean anything.

 **Yuri:** isn't it something children say? _[Cautious]_

 **Sasuke:** hmn, just ignore it. He's just a kid in a seventeen-year-old shinobi's body. _[Arms crossed]_

 **Naruto:** HEY! I've matured a lot from when I was a kid, teme!

 **Sasuke:** all that proves is that you were more of a hyper-active brat before than you are now.

 **Naruto:** HEY! _[Sulks and grumbles]_ yeah, well, you haven't changed a bit. You're **still** a teme.

 **Sasuke:** hmn. _[Unconcerned]_

 **Harry:** oh! I know that one! That prissy sound translates into something like "I'm too superior to dignify you with an answer… idiot." _[Smug]_

 **Naruto:** Yep, sounds about right, 'ttebyo. _[Nodding sagely]_

_**[Yuri nods hesitantly whilst Wolfram glares]** _

**Draco:** no one's impressed with your infinite skill of stating the bloody obvious, Potter. _[Dryly]_

 **Sasuke:** hmn.

 **Draco:** _**[glaring at Sasuke]**_ and you're a lot of help. _[Sarcasm]_

 **Sasuke:** _[smirking]_ Hmn.

_**[Wolfram turns his glare on Sasuke and Draco rolls his eyes]** _

_**[A sudden "POP" and two new characters arrive]** _

**Thor:** what realm is this?! _[outraged, welding his hammer defensively]_

 **Loki:** _[hands out; placating]_ Now, Thor. Let's **ask** the questions calmly. Need I remind you that your usual method of smashing things until they talk, doesn't work. **Never** has it worked, in fact.

 **Draco:** Now, who're these freaks? And what're you **wearing?**

 **Harry;** speaking of someone who can transform into a woman… _[hinted. Recognising the MARVEL characters from Dudley's comics]_

 **Draco:** Oh My God! Really? **Loki?** Oh my, you're like my **God**! _[fangirling]_

 **Sasuke:** a **God**? _[sceptically]_

 **Thor:** him? Loki? Somebody worships **you**?

 **Loki:** _**[ignores Thor]**_ … thank you? And you are…? _[inquiring; unimpressed]_

 **Draco:** Draco Malfoy! _[gushing]_

 **Naruto:** you know sexy no jutsu too?! _[excited]_

 **Thor:** what? _[confused by the fast talking]_

 **Loki:** _[calmly on top of everything]_ I know magic, yes. And I have constructed a female form with the use of my magic.

 **Thor:** you have? _[interested]_ Why hadn't I seen this form? _[curious]_

 **Loki:** _[smirks]_ because I never needed to use it on you, brother _[suggestive]_

 **Sasuke:** you're brothers? _[surprised and side-eyeing Naruto who openly looks at him]_

 **Harry:** you don't act like brothers _[sceptical]_

 **Thor:** we were raised as brothers but Loki is adopted

 **Loki:** stolen actually, but that's not important _[sarcasm]_

_**[Thor holds Loki's nape reassuringly, his hammer relaxed at his other side]** _

**Wolfram:** _[speaks up]_ Yuri's a God

_**[Everyone turns to Yuri, Thor and Loki following the other's eyes, and Yuri stares back with wide eyes; caught]** _

**Draco:** you're a God too?! _[incredulous]_

 **Yuri:** _[shy]_ well, technically? I kind of overpowered Shinou who was The Great One, so… I guess so?

 **Wolfram:** of course you are, Wimp. _[brash but proud]_ Take responsibility, all ready.

 **Sasuke:** _[not to be outdone]_ Naruto and I are two halves of one sentient being more powerful than the Sage of Six Paths.

 **Harry:** you too?! _**[looking between Naruto and Sasuke in disbelief]**_

 **Naruto:** _[grins]_ we're soulmates

 **Sasuke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ and practically Gods ourselves.

 **Draco:** _[sulking]_ well this is just **marvellous**. We've got five gods, one demon and even Potty over there has cheated death more than once and actually **returned from the dead** and what have I done? Incredible good looks can only account for so much!

 **Harry:** _[sly]_ well… you do that amazing thing with your tongue…

_**[Wolfram & Yuri blush scarlet; Naruto wiggles his eyebrows at Sasuke who purses his lips. And Thor smirks at Loki who looks bored]** _

**Draco:** _[red-faced]_ Shut up, you inferius twat _[hisses under his breath]_

_**[Harry actually looks insulted]** _

**Loki:** not that this isn't fascinating… _[Interupts]_ but where are we and why, may I ask, are we just standing around… having what I'm sure is a pleasant but ultimately meaningless, chat?

 **Sasuke:** no one knows. We all just ended up here with no memory of how.

 **Yuri:** _[spoke up]_ We all had different theories but nothing fit. Do you know anything?

 **Thor:** _[_ _ **looks from Loki to the others, shaking his head slowly]**_ No. We have no memory of our journey here. One moment we are facing off against the dark elf, Malekith and the next… _[looks around abruptly]_ where is Jane? _[demands]_

 **Loki:** _[arch eyebrow]_ you're only just now realising her absence? I thought you loved that human, brother? _[smirks]_

 **Thor:** _[glares]_ I was distracted by the imminent danger. _[defensive]_

 **Loki:** oh yes… _[sarcastically peering at their audience and the blankness surrounding them]_ the **imminent** … danger.

 **Draco:** that's not right. _**[everyone turns to him as he frowns questionably at the new pairing]**_ we don't know much but we've worked out that we came in pairs. We're all in relationships with the person we came with… _[he trails off, unsure]_

_**[Thor shuffles his feet uncomfortably whilst glaring at Loki as the trickster readily opens his mouth]** _

**Loki:** Thor and I… we have a history. Don't we, brother? _[he smiles wickedly sweet]_

 **Thor:** we had, Loki. Before you turned rogue and sent the Destroyer after me. _[chides]_

 **Loki:** actually, I think it was before you got yourself thrown to Earth and took up with a mortal woman.

 **Thor:** _[moves forward threateningly and yells]_ by **your** cunning -

 **Loki:** _[snaps]_ **believe** me, brother, I would love to take the credit but you forget your own arrogance. _[looking slightly pissed now]_

 **Harry:** … I feel like I've stepped into Ron and Hermione's shoes… _[shivers]_ it doesn't feel good.

 **Draco:** right? _[also shivers]_

 **Sasuke:** _sighs_ not that this isn't the highlight of our evening but none of that helps us get out of here. _[points out. Bored now]_

_**[Wolfram and Yuri had gravitated towards one another during the commotion, closing the circle of the once divided group]** _

**Loki:** right _[stretches out his arms dramatically, all eyes on him as he smirks at the gaping group]_ deep breath, kiddies. _[he winks and wiggles his fingers]_

_**[Everyone takes an involuntary deep breath in…]** _

_**[…and out. Everything goes black!]** _

**Thor:** Loki! What have you done?!

_**[The End…?]** _

**Author's Note:**

> Also find me on [FanFiction.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/3926020/chase3136),  
> [Tumblr](http://wulfravenlilly.tumblr.com/), and [DeviantART](http://chase316392.deviantart.com/)  
> 


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